July Challenge Day 13: And This is Why I'm Fat

There is a website called This Is Why You're Fat. If you haven't seen it - you should check it out. It is an orgy of food that is practically preparing the first degree murder of your arteries.

This is a Cronut. A croissant donut. It makes me ashamed, but I'd probably eat that.

A lot of the foods on there are things made by depraved calorie hoarding individuals at home

A bacon mug filled with cheddar. Perhaps..too much bacon? I think I just blasphemed

July Challenge: Week 1, The Sleep Rebellions, and Lord Byron Goes to Die

First off, apologies for the delay in posting - Hubstar settled one of his cases and didn't have to prep for trial (yay!) and so we went out of town to visit the in-laws last minute. Only it was fun because I don't have evil in-laws (actually they are really awesome - go ahead, be jealous)

Am I the only on who ever wondered if Focker ever took a moment to ask himself if Pam was really worth it?

And on to the first order of business which is to report that Week 1 has been a success, though admittedly I haven't made it to the gym yet.  We pulled through. We did not cave.

Thursday: Easy. I wasn't cooking, I just had to show up and eat awesome food. My mom, who doesn't/ shouldn't cook (sorry Mama), recently married a guy who is an excellent cook. And much rejoicing was done by all who remembered the egregious food wrongs perpetrated upon us as innocent children...

Breaded coagulated peas, mushy carrots, and 'corn'? Yep - she tried to make us eat these. NEVER FORGET.

July Challenge Day Three: Teriyaki and the Awkward Condom Commerial

Holy crap it is quiet in my house. And legit nice quiet, not suspicious quiet.

This is an old pic of LuLu who tried to use the bathroom by herself and came back like this. That is the wrong kind of quiet. Please note the toy bomb in the background.

LuLu is spending the night at a friend's house. Baby J is asleep in his swing. Hubs is at work. I have a nice huge iced latte (remember that didn't count!). I'm not even sure what to do right now.  Like I kind of want to take a long quiet bath, or maybe finish cleaning out our room, or read Night Watch, or finish painting the shelf I'm making for the bathroom, or I don't know there are just so many options...

Probably vacuuming is the sucker's choice...

July Challenge Day Two: A Quick Check In

Ok - so I was going to write about commercials and kids but that's going to have to wait for tonight. I'm not posting this one on facebook or anything because it won't be awesome. 

I just want to say - Day 2, still going. No cheating. I did have to switch to the 'easy dinner' of pesto tortellini because hubs got stuck going to an event last night and at 6:00 pm I spent 25 minutes waiting outside Starbucks with both kids for someone who never showed up (you know that was fun).
Worst part: I couldn't actually go inside because I was just picking up papers and it was supposed to be super fast. It was like torture.

Whatever dude, last week I would have cheated and had Hubstar pick up something or I would have gotten Thai but I was good. I did not cheat. Yay me.

One last thing: today was supposed to be gym day but LuLu's friend invited her over to go swimming and I can't tell her no. And no, I won't even pretend lounging in the pool is tantamount to gym. I have not yet stooped so low.

Annnd...release

July Challenge Day One: Weekly Menu and a Fresh Start

So Day 1 of July challenge is over. Let me start with this week's menu:

MENU - July 1-7

Monday July 1 - Breakfast for Dinner! Waffles, Strawberries, and Sausage Links
Tuesday July 2 - Chicken Teriyaki, White Rice, and Green Beans
Wednesday July 3 - Pesto Tortellini and Spinach Salad
Thursday July 4 - BBQ at Mom's - (bringing Key Lime Pie and possibly Raspberry Cheesecake Brownies if I don't make/eat them before then)
Friday July 5 - Lasagna and Spinach Salad
Saturday July 6 - Democratic Pizza Night (where everyone gets their own toppings)
Sunday July 7 - Eye of the Round, Loaded Baked Potatoes, Green Beans

And now onto today.

The auspices did not look promising in the wee smas this morning.

Is it just me or does the dude with the hatchet look like he really likes his job?

Baby J has a cold. Baby J also doesn't like to sleep all night. So when he went down at 10 pm last night I expected my 1 am wake up. So I waited up..and waited..and waited..and the little bugger slept till 3:45 am. But then he was congested so we spent 20 minutes in the homemade steam room (read: hot shower, bathroom door shut) where he was happy as a clam.

But then he tried to eat...and his nose was stuffed up.

It was a vicious cycle.

I think I finally got to bed at 5:45 this morning. Luckily Lu Lu likes to sleep in and didn't wake up until 10:30. She popped in to tell me she was going to make herself breakfast, watch some Nick Jr if that was ok, and that I could keep sleeping. She is pretty much the best kid ever and having an almost seven year old rocks. So I got in an extra hour before Baby J was up for good. Woo hoo.

It's the small things in life

 But I rallied. Because after the menu fail of last week I was determined that I wouldn't crap out on the first day of the challenge. I made a plan. Knew the gym was out for today but I drafted the menu, made my grocery list, and had to make a pit stop at the pet shop before heading home and starting dinner. It was only 3 pm. It was looking good.

I am wondering if anyone is seeing the flaw in this plan?

See, pit stop implies a brief in and out affair. You get there, do your thing, and get out. Because that's likely...in a pet shop...with a 6 year girl.

Pretty sure this is part of what Lulu wants to be when she grows up...covered in puppies

Also:

Holy crap that is so ridiculously cute I need to go buy Baby J at least 4 puppies like right now.

Anyhow so we get there and its love at first sight....

He was like Air Bud and Shadow from Homeward Bound wrapped up in what Lulu dubbed 'the most best puppy ev-er'

And I made the mistake of letting her play with him. Oh big mistake. I was supplicated like few people have been supplicated before to bring the puppy home. He was the best puppy ever, he was so smart, Golden Retrievers are the best family pets and they're good with babies (thanks a bunch there for that Petland guy) and we should buy him for the low price of $1500 (or 43 meals out).

I finally convince her to say goodbye to the puppy and promise to let her see the chameleon one more time before we go. She seems good and distracted but then we go to leave. She just has to say goodbye to Captain Wonder Puppy one last time. But lo, he's not in the little kennel thing. She asks the guy where the Golden Retriever puppy is only to be told someone else is playing with him.

And when I'm 18 I'm getting 'unnamed and yet awesome puppy who I loved for 20 minutes' tattooed on my arm Mom!

Long story short we left the pet shop weeping and convinced someone else would buy him. Spent most of the time at the grocery store concerned if someone else would buy him with lots of consoling on my end...and then got home, Dad let her watch King Kong on TBS or whatever and poof! What dog?

Who can blame her really?

And we had waffles. And they were delicious. So - day 1...win.

   

Weekly Menu Fail and a 31 Day Challenge

Ok so. Last week I came up with a menu - like a boss. It wasn't the greatest menu of all time, not going to get me any Michelin ratings but heck - it was going to feed my family...in theory.

It was a big fat fail. I won't go into every excuse why it ended up with us eating out nearly every single flipping night this week, but suffice to say there was a dangerous combo of poor planning, a sick baby, and a husband that god love him is erm..cranky.. when not fed.

There were definitely lots of uncomfortable silences in our home when this commercial series launched...it was like they knew him :)

Yeah yeah there was a reason every night but it didn't make any less of a fail. And I was feeling pretty down about it because we've been trying to really cut down on our eating our for both health and fiscal reasons.

Because no way I'm going to lose the pregnancy pounds eating out...also looking for this picture just made me sink into the abyss of This is Why You're Fat its kind of horrifying, but in a cool way

We got this app (which I'm still trying to kind of figure out) which helps you track your spending and its legitimately insane how fast eating out adds up. And even if you can afford it technically, its probably not the best use of funds.

Here's some horrible math I just did: this is London. A trip to London for a week would be about $5000. If the average meal out for 2 is $35 that trip is worth 143 meals out. So if you were eating out twice a week in 18 months you could have had an awesome trip. Now figure the math if you're eating out more than that. *shudder*

Blerg. So on top of the eating out fail the house is also not so clean. And by that I mean like - really cluttered.  Its kind of like this:

There's this show called 'Yardcore' on DIY network.

This is their hook: "What if you gave a couple of landscape professionals 48 hours to completely redo a backyard? No problem, right? But there's a catch. What if they don't even get to see the yard until the day before the job, and were not allowed to meet the homeowner? They will only get a quick tour of the yard and a five-minute tour of the home's interior to get clues, and then make it all happen in 48 hours — without ever meeting the homeowner until the final reveal!"

We were watching it a lot this weekend and there is always a lot of discussion as to whether they ever get it right or if the people hate their yard. Which led to a discussion of what they'd take from our house. We were like - kind of formal, kind of bohemian...just sort of gabbing, but truthfully their evaluation would be like this:

 And this would probably be our finished yard:

They are just going to love how the bountiful pink blooms just highlight the collection of 'found' office chair seating!

I keep meaning to finally do the BIG CLEAN UP. The big one that should have happened when we first bought the house. The one where you hang up all the pictures and put everything away in its permanent home. But you know then there was Christmas then the Bar Exam, then wedding, then pregnancy from hell, then baby and busted foot, and then baby. Not that those aren't legitimate reasons but it sure isn't making my house any more organized.

I'm really optimistic. In the morning when I get up I feel like a hero

But you know - as a chick hero, not a dude one...

Because I'm going to clean out the WHOLE HOUSE. I'm going to clean the kitchen, catch up on all the laundry, file all the paperwork, clear up the clutter. Then I'm going to make gourmet delicious dinner AND cookies. And I'll be able to work on all those art projects I want to 'cause the house will be so clean and not distracting. And when hubster gets home he's going to be surprised and awed at my super-human abilities and he'll want to buy me this shirt in a totally not-ironic way...

Only not this shirt exactly because its kind of horribly sexist and completely overlooks my mad Scrabble skillz

 But then baby. And then little girl who is getting too big too fast. And they jointly attack me with cuteness and neediness and temptation to not to housework and instead play with them and cuddle. Oh, and that J is an adorable lovely little man but is also the neediest baby in the world sometimes.

You really can't say no to that level of cute

So by mid afternoon the goals shift to: Ok! I can still do this. I can at least get some laundry done and also the kitchen, yes, at least the kitchen. Dinner - still good. Art projects - well I'll work on cleaning out some of the upstairs. And it will still be impressive and fabulous.

Yeah, because its A-ok that you didn't get everything done because you got most errr a good chunk of it done and you're still winning...right?

But then more baby. And more little big girl. And probably some errands I forgot I had to run. And crying (sadly I wasn't kidding about that gorgeous but needy bebe) And now its 5:07 and I look around and I'm like crap - I didn't even get to shower today!!! 

Sorry guys...its come to this.

In sum it's been feeling a leetle bit like I'm going to be starring in my own not so funny version of fail blog

But rather than wallow and be super annoyed at myself I've decided dammit I will kick July's ass! Enough sad sacking

There is no sad-sacking after unicorns. It's a rule.

Where was I? Oh yeah, kicking July's ass. Much as I'd like to make it the month in which I cleaned the whole house, did all the projects I'd been planning, read all of O'Conner's on Family Law, entered in all the spending in the budget app immediately upon spending, painted the back porch, and cleared out the garden I know there is no way in heaven or Hades that is even remotely likely.

So instead this is the challenge: Not to eat out AT ALL for the entire month of July. And for me and hubster to go to the gym 10 times each.

Here are the rules:

1. There will be no eating out. For me this will not count getting an Iced Latte at Starbucks (sorry, but ain't nothing worth that) and for hubs he's excused for work lunch functions.

2. The goal is to home-cook every meal and not rely on frozen food but as that seems like a step-two type challenge, prefab meals are allowed so long as they are not bought out.

3. The only exception is that if Cal masters her addition tables she gets a night to go eat out and if that happens in July, gotta give it to her. But I'll try really hard not to like it.

4. The gym means each of us has to go 10 times. We can go together or separately but we've got to make it to ten.

I am going to try to post daily and I will include weekly menus, recipes, and a running total of the grocery bill (just for kicks and I want to go to London at some point).

This is not going to be easy. Especially since it's 3:30 am and I'm just now getting to sleep because James decided he'd choose tonight to bypass his normal 12:45 wake up and sleep a solid 5 1/2 hours...

or, you know, not eat out in July...