July Challenge Day Three: Teriyaki and the Awkward Condom Commerial

Holy crap it is quiet in my house. And legit nice quiet, not suspicious quiet.

This is an old pic of LuLu who tried to use the bathroom by herself and came back like this. That is the wrong kind of quiet. Please note the toy bomb in the background.

LuLu is spending the night at a friend's house. Baby J is asleep in his swing. Hubs is at work. I have a nice huge iced latte (remember that didn't count!). I'm not even sure what to do right now.  Like I kind of want to take a long quiet bath, or maybe finish cleaning out our room, or read Night Watch, or finish painting the shelf I'm making for the bathroom, or I don't know there are just so many options...

Probably vacuuming is the sucker's choice...

In truth I think I'm going to get a head start on tonight's post because

(7 hours later)

Ya, the next words were going to be "because the moment I start doing something he's going to wake up" Its like I'm a prophetess...

Just don't ask me whats going to be on the Bar Exam...

Let me begin with thought train #1: The Day 3 challenge. Still winning. Still eating in. Made chicken teriyaki. But I did not expect to be so tempted not to cook so early in the game!

I finally posted the recipe :)

Here's the thing - I love cooking. I really do. But with kids and house and Hubstar, sometimes it seems like more of a chore than a hobby. I'm sure I am the only person who feels this way. 

And it was so gorgeous and peaceful in my house today. Hubs got home about 6:30, Baby J was a happy little monkey. The sky was beautiful outside and the couch in corner of our room called to me...

Come, sit upon me. Be still and read Martha Stewart Living and only pretend to cook...

And it was fun just getting to talk to the man and play with the bebe and chopping up chicken for dinner is gross anyhow and it seemed really unappealing.

I was going to post the picture of the chicken trimmings just to juxtapose how awful they are compared to my Couch O Awesomeness, but I wouldn't do that you...it'd be cruel

And in that moment, temptation beckoned...

Only for me she's holding the takeout menu from Thai Chili. Also: why did I think a Google image search for 'temptation goddess' would NOT yield porn?

But I gave her the bird and went down and made dinner anyhow.

I swear, there is a reason to use this picture in almost every post.

3 down, 28 to go, but tomorrow's an easy win b/c its BBQ @ the rents.

Now to shift gears...

Is there a better transitional photo? I think not.

 Train of thought #2:

I am going to admit to something here that I would rather not because I've sort of been a bit outspoken about my views on this and its kind of making me a hypocrite right now: I've been letting Cali watch TV in the mornings while I've caught a few Z's.  It's not the nap taking that is a problem, I can hear her and she's responsible enough to not actively burn the house down when not directly supervised - its the TV.

I don't really like cable. I like a lot of the shows on cable - but I think having constant access to TV makes you really brain-numb (for me it does). I'd rather rely on Netflix and movies but Hubs like cable and honestly there are much bigger things to fight about. But its kind of like when he buys me donuts in the morning as a treat - I really don't want them but once they're there I can't say no.

By the way, I'm calling shenanigans: a Google search for 'say no to donuts' yielded one anti-donut sign and about, I dunno, FIVE HUNDRED pictures of delicious looking donuts. WTF?

Same with TV. Only I'm going to have to resolve to do better because the damn mind programming commercials are driving me out of my mind.

It started with catching Lulu humming "Nationwide is on your side" to herself around the house sometimes. And then 'Price-Line Nego-ti-ator" was added to the repertoire.

That was tolerable.

But then suddenly it was 'Mom, I need ABC Mouse' and 'Mom, why don't you buy Pampers for James?" and in the grocery store "We should buy Gerber Formula" and I'll be honest - I was kind of horrified and hoping she'd take a page out of Shawn's book from Pysch

Henry: Now, I know he stopped wearing shirts with brand names on them right after his ninth birthday.
Maddy: Why do you know that?
Henry: Because we had an argument about it. He didn’t want to promote products without being paid for it.

So we had a long talk about commercials and why they exist. I told her they try to convince people, adults and kids, that they need new things. What she got from this is that the people who create ads are evil conspirators who are trying to trick people into spending their money...

Is she wrong?

Which led to an amped up interest in commercials...and analyzing them.

Toyota commercial?
"Ha ha Mom! We got them! We already have a car!"

Pizza Hutt commercial?
"Oh my gosh, that is just ridiculous. Who needs pizza?! We can make pizza right here."

Progressive commercial?
Lulu: "We have insurance right Mom?"
Me: "Yep."
Lulu: "Is it Progressive?"
Me: "No, USAA"
Lulu: "Ha! It won't work then! And you don't even drive a motorcycle - boo yeah!"

I wish I was kidding, or exaggerating, but I could type up quotes all night. She is sort of the manic anti-commercial girl, but I'm not sure it's a good thing because she pays even more attention to them now and occasionally tells me one (for toys or something) "is doing a pretty good job at convincing me Mom."

I think a flamethrower a good choice for me. You know the old saying Mom "Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."

So it really came as no surprise when, while listening to Pandora, Lulu was paying close attention to the most awkwardly long Trojan condom commercial EVER.

Let me say this: I'm not a prude. I don't even hate advertising. I get why it exists. I don't think condom companies should be banned from advertising. Truth is, I don't even have an answer for what it is I do want but I think it might be something along the lines of that commercial never coming on while my overly inquisitive 6 year old is there listening.

I mean this thing went on and on and ooooooonnnnnn.

Announcer: "And now in 4 different types"
Woman: (sexy voice) "Oh, we can try them ALL out"
Announcer: (Trojan Man style) "ALL NIGHT LONG"

I wanted to cry. I waited for it. And it came...

"Whats a condom Mom? Do we have any already?"

Ok kid, here's all you need to know about condoms. Baby J - listen up. I don't care what they say, its still going to feel like a condom - but you better wear one because you don't want to get some dirty VD or get knocked up. Of course it won't matter because you are joining the nunnery/priesthood.

And I bunted... I bunted with no shame. My answer was 'Hey Lulu, there are some left over Nerds right next to the candy bucket - you still want them?"

But I am pretty sure it is just a matter of time...

before we're singing "Trojan Man!" *faceslap*

P.S. Claim your Country or State I'm curious to know where people are from <3